Self-care for Moms Without Support Feels Like a Myth. It’s not.
Picture this: you’re in the grocery store checkout looking like a zombie with your kids hanging off your neck and some nice lady reminds you that you are going to miss this. But all you can think about is how exhausted you are. Well meaning folks from all over the inter webs and in your life tell you that if you just took care of yourself, you wouldn’t feel like a shell. People just don’t understand how hard it is to mother without a village. They don’t.
“Take care of yourself”, they say.
“Do some self-care” they say.
“Take some time to yourself”, they say.
“Prioritize you!” “Take breaks!” “Moms need breaks!” They say.
They have no idea how impossible it is.
Because when? And how?
Without a support system, taking care of ourselves can fee impossible.
So if you find yourself Googling “I have no support system,” desperate for answers on how all the other moms are doing it, you have come to the right place.
Taking care of ourselves as moms is integral to the family unit, to our health and well-being, and to our relationships. And yet oftentimes, we put ourselves last.
According to a recent study, a shocking 78 percent of women said they often put off taking care of themselves in lieu of taking care of their families. Who is surprised? Nobody.
Why don’t moms have support systems? Where has the village gone?
The truth is that the answer is complicated. Life in a fast paced and individualistic world makes it hard to maintain our social support networks. Family often lives far. Grandparents are working later in life. The economy. Our mothers and their mothers were simply mothering in a different time. This article called There Is No Village Anymore from Medium, does a great job of explaining what’s changed so drastically in the last several decades and why it matters.
- Some moms are single.
- Some moms have partners who work a lot and are rarely home.
- Some moms have partners who don’t act like partners.
- Some moms don’t have family nearby.
- Some moms are estranged from their family.
- Some moms live far away from everyone they know and love.
- Some moms don’t have a village. Actually, many don’t…
Whatever the reason for not having enough support to make self-care a realistic part of your life as a busy mom, it sucks.
Motherhood Self-Care Tips that Are Not Useless
So much of the advice out there is unbelievably, out of touch.
Let me clear something up. I don’t see self-care as the act of sitting down, or taking a bath or sipping that steamy hot Starbucks in the parking lot alone or the other little things the world calls “self-care” as the self-care.
To me, self-care care is any mindset, decision, or action that aligns with your need to choose yourself. by. Saying yes or no to whatever it is that you need— and then communicating that choice.
In this blog I am going to share 10 self-care tips for moms which will help you get the nurturing, care, and time you deserve. These self-care tips are specifically geared to moms without a support system because so much of the advice out there — is not.
You deserve to get back to feeling a little more like you and you deserve to not feel like an exhausted, worn out, and frustrated version of yourself. There are ways to do that. Imperfect ways. But ways.
When you are mothering without a village, there is no one there to tell you that you matter, you are worthy and deserving of having your needs met.
A hard truth I have had to learn over and over and over? You have to tell it to yourself.
Do that.
I hope this list helps.
(If you already know you want more, download this epic and actually realistic self-care guide I created for moms. Otherwise, read the list below)
Mom Tips for Self-care for Moms Without a Support System
1. Lower your expectations in general
Seriously. Stop expecting yourself to do it all. Stop expecting yourself to be like the moms who DO have support. Stop expecting yourself to be present, productive and restful at the same time. You can’t do it all.
Imagine the hours you would get back into your life if you just let yourself off the hook a little more? From how much you expect yourself to get done in a day to how presentable your kid looks walking out the door, to how often you clean, to how well (or if) you fold laundry. Do non-essential tasks less well. Don’t add on more stress than you already have. By taking things off the list and by living by the mantra “done is better than perfect”, you will be able to create more opportunities for self-care.
2. Let go of the guilt.
“Mom guilt” doesn’t just suck the joy out of motherhood, it sucks the benefits of taking care of ourselves out of it. Ever decided to sit down and relax instead of cleaning and felt guilty the whole time? How rested did you feel afterwards? I’d guess not much. Because feeling guilty robs us of the benefits of practicing self-care. In order to really truly practise self-care and feel the benefits of it without being weighed down by guilt, we need to accept that we can’t do it all, and that we are still enough if what we do isn’t perfect.
Remind yourself that you are just as human as your kids are and just as deserving of all the good things they deserve too. Remind yourself that you are doing the best with what you have, and that by taking care of you, you are better able to take care of them.
2. Follow a schedule
It takes discipline to make and follow a schedule with kids— no doubt about that. But the benefits are endless. When we set clear expectations, it creates more harmony and calm in our homes. When we know what’s coming and our kids know what’s coming, transitions get easier (hello less wasted time and energy), the mental load lightens, and we can put more intentionality into the tiny pockets of our day.
Of course, flexibility matters. Life happens. But the way a schedule reduces the “what do we do now?” decision fatigue is honestly life-changing.
We barely have enough time to get through the basics of each day as moms. When we’re not constantly rushing from one thing to the next, we create space for ourselves. Otherwise, one hour turns into the next, and before we know it the day is over and we haven’t had a single moment to breathe. Yes, it’s work to build and maintain a schedule at first. But I promise you, it’s worth it in the long run.
3. Put the kids to bed early
The truth is that good sleep is essential. For kids and it’s good for us. We all need rest. We all need predictability. We all need downtime to function and regulate ourselves.
Sticking to a bedtime routine is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself and my mental health. Now that my kids are older, I still see the benefits. There’s something incredibly grounding about knowing that by a certain time each night. For a long time, that small pocket of predictability carried me through so many tough days—especially when they were little.
Setting up a solid bedtime routine takes effort, but the payoff is endless. I’m not advocating for those cry it out sleep training methods. I’m saying, find ways to build a routine into your evenings and bedtimes, so that they go smoother and you are more likely to have time in the evenings to yourself. There are many ways to lovingly do this.
There are so many gentle approaches out there, and there are some incredible creators who share great advice on how to do this. Check out:
4. Simplify meals times
Let’s be real, we all want to feed our families good food. Sometimes, that feels impossible. Feeding our kids “well” is expensive, time consuming and often feels utterly redundant because no matter how hard we try, if you have a picky eater, it ends up not getting eaten anyway. Feeding issues have been the bane of my existence at times.
One of my kids didn’t eat any veggies other than cucumber for 2 whole years. They lived off toast and pasta and simple things because it’s all they would eat. Once I let myself be okay with it and acknowledged that it was a season, it gave me more time for other more important things and for taking care of myself.
But, some of my kids favourite meals are baked beans on a baked potato
with cheese, or bacon and eggs and fruit. They are simple and nutritious. And there’s nothing wrong with some good ol’ chicky nugs and mac and cheese. By allowing ourselves to do the simple, less than perfect meals, it’s one way we can squeeze in more time for us- without the guilt. Check out this website for 20 easy meals kids will love.
5. Utilize Technology— Screen time— For breaks
The reality is that when you lack a village or support system, the time you get to yourself is scarce. Screentime has been unnecessarily villainized and the reality is that it is the EASIEST way to get a break when you have no other option.
Screens are engaging, there is no doubt about it. And there are so many options aside from Netflix and Youtube, with a plethora of educational games and more to choose from like Reading Eggs and Khan Academy for Kids. I’m not saying plop them in front of an ipad all day. If you are concerned about the damage it does, consider the damage of a mentally unwell parent. The research shows that what kids need most are parents who are stable and well. They need to feel connected to us. We can still do that while utilizing technology.
You can be an engaged parent who plays and takes your child outside but also makes screen time a part of their day. In fact, when you get to have a break, you’ll likely get the capacity to be a better version of yourself (especially if you do something for YOU during that time)
6. Plan Intentional Time to Connect or Play with Your Kids
Easier said than done, I know. But the more connected our kids feel, the better they will feel, behave and listen. Bonus? It’s easier to say yes to ourselves without guilt when we know that need for connection is being met. This doesn’t have to be all day everyday that you play with your kids. But short bursts of intentional time do go a long way.
You have a house to run, you may have work to do, and you have yourself to take care of too. A connected kid is much more likely to learn how to regulate. Think about all the time you have spent dealing with tantrums, meltdowns and potentially defiance. Think of all the time you could get back if you had less of those power struggles.
Helping our kids feel connected doesn’t just set them up for growing into healthy functioning adults, it helps us get time back for us!
Real talk? I have ADHD. I can’t focus for long. I can’t stand to pretend play. I can’t play for long periods. And yet, I’ve always found that rather than half paying attention to my kids for long periods, they and I both benefit from shorter bursts of really intentional time. It’s worth it.
7. Budget Money For You
I know it’s easier to spend all your money on the kids and feel guilty about anything you buy for yourself. I know you probably are not rolling it. It doesn’t have to be big but you deserve things for you. Get your nails done. Buy a bra. Grab a Starbucks Vanilla Latte— whatever you can afford.
If you find yourself making excuses. Stop. Write down the reasons you deserve nice things. Prioritize yourself with what you spend your hard earned cashola on. Chances are, your kids have more than they need anyway. You deserve to treat yourself and not feel bad about it. Strapped for time because your kids are stuck to your hip? Order online, it’s 2025. Treat yo’self.
Is money tight? Check out this blog I made on self-care tips for moms on a low budget.
8. Hire People And Outsource
On the other hand, you might not have a ton of people to lean on, but maybe money isn’t the thing you’re lacking. If you can swing it, hire someone to do the stuff you don’t want to do or don’t have time for, so you can focus on what actually matters to you.
It could be a house cleaner, a babysitter, a laundry service, sending your kid to daycare, someone to walk the dog, or even shovel the driveway—anything that frees up your brain and your time. Even just an extra hour of daycare after work so you can actually breathe or get something done for yourself can make a world of difference.
It’s all about finding ways to carve out little pockets of time that don’t feel like they exist right now. Because you deserve that time, even if it takes a little outside help to get it. You don’t need to be drowning in order to ask for help. You do not need to do it all alone just because the world says you should.
9. Stop cleaning so much
Tidy and sanitary are not the same thing. Having a clean-enough environment for your kids to live and learn in is important, but having everything perfectly in its place all the time? Not so much. Houses are meant to be lived in, and kids? They’re tiny chaos machines.
Give yourself a break and let it be messy sometimes. Find a system that works for you, one that doesn’t make you feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending Groundhog Day of chores.
If you struggle with this, read How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. It’s a game-changer. She reminds us that a clean house is morally neutral and that “good moms” can have messy homes too.
10. Disappoint other people
Weird one to end on? No way. The truth of the matter is that there are one million things to do at any given time as a mom. There is so much pressure to get motherhood perfect, to raise children well, to keep a tidy home, to maintain our standards, to excel in the kitchen, the boardroom our in-law living rooms and beyond.
Sometimes, we spend our whole lives saying yes to what other people want that we don’t stop to consider what we want, what we have the capacity for and what matters to us. Nobody knows how much is truly on our plates. Heck, we can hardly keep track of it. So it’s our job to put up boundaries, to communicate our needs and to say no when other people want or expect things from us.
It’s hard to say no. It’s difficult to know that you could have made a difference for someone else or to accept that you can’t be the fixer, helper and do-er of all the things anymore. But you are your own priority now because without you, your kids can’t get what they need. What your kids need more than anything in the world— is a present, connected, functioning mom.
Let other people down. Sometimes, it’s exactly what we need most.
Self-Care is Essential for Moms Without a Support System
Being a mom without a support system is hard. It can feel like everyone but you has someone to step in when needed. Yet, I speak to women every day who let me know they don’t have that and just how challenging it can be.
Please know this: you are not alone, and you are not a bad mom for wanting a break, some alone time, or a chance to feel like yourself again. Caring for yourself is the best and most sustainable way to care for your kids in the long run. Prioritizing you is being a good mom. Practicing self-care shows your kids how they should treat themselves too.
Don’t wait until you are completely shattered to even think about taking care of yourself. Start as early as possible. You deserve to be whole.
You’ve got it in you, promise.
Libby
Want more?
- Follow me on IG and Tiktok for daily content to feel seen and be reminded to care for yourself
- Read this blog post with my top 5 Books for Overstimulated Moms and Caregivers
- Download this actually realistic* FREE Self-Care Guide for Moms that I created
- Subscribe to my newsletter where I send semi regular real life stories full of humour and hope, plus some fun lists of things I am loving
- Buy my book Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, available for pre-order now
