Moms Who Want to Reduce Holiday Stress: There is Hope
I absolutely love Christmas.
There is something about the season that gets me all excited and feeling festive. It also tends to be the time of year that I can feel most stressed and depressed. There is so much to do and not enough time to do it.
While everyone else is out there enjoying the festivities, magic and gifts: moms are often the ones making the magic. The expectations? Too many. The mental load? Heavy.
I’ve learned a few things along the way. While I am no stranger to holiday stress even now— the following strategies do help me cope with the stress of the season.
Disclaimer: This is my personal story about overstimulation and overload, not a substitute for professional advice. If you need support, please reach out to a qualified health professional—they were essential in my journey. In crisis? Call 911 or contact your local emergency services. You deserve help, and it’s available.
1. Avoid Holiday Stress: Say No, Be Intentional about your Yes’s
If it’s not a full bodied yes, it’s a no.
It is better to say an awkward no than a resentful yes. During the holiday season there are often an abundance of traditions to maintain, gift exchanges to take part in, and social gatherings to juggle— never mind playing Santa and the family referee.
While some of these traditions may be really important and bring us real joy, others drain every ounce of energy. Some leave us wondering why we took part and what the actual point is.
There is nothing magical about being burned out.
I suggest looking back over the years and weighing the things you loved vs the things you didn’t. Make a list. Cross the things off that don’t absolutely need to happen. What is important to you? Let your answers guide your choices. Prioritize your yes’s so that you actually have the energy and capacity to fully enjoy the things you do say yes to.
2. Coping with Holiday Stress: Adjust Your expectations
No matter what, there will be disappointment over the holidays. Having realistic expectations around the holidays plays a huge role in what ends up stressing me out or rolling off.
From the gifts we expect to receive, to the help we expect to be offered by our family, to the budget, to the interactions we have with family, and the amount of time and energy that commitments take— we ALL have expectations. Consider what past years looked like.
Did your partner fill your stocking last year? Did your mother-in-law thank you for dinner? If not. Let’s stop expecting things to be different. I’m not saying it’s okay for your loved ones to drop the ball or you shouldn’t communicate your expectations to others, but for the purpose of not being surprised and hurt, set your expectations realistically.
3. De-stress this Holiday Season with Scheduled Rest
As moms we are often the ones in charge of the family schedule and planning commitments. We have the power and responsibility to schedule breaks- for us AND for our kids. When we feel like we have had the chance to breathe we will be that much more patient and have the energy to be more fully present during the rest of the holiday festivities. If we don’t create space and time to relax and not be on the go, nobody else will.
Block off time in the calendar to just be. Schedule quiet days or quiet nights in. Make rest a priority, even if you don’t think you’ll need it.
4. Create a Stress-Free Budget for the Holidays and Stick to it
Everyone wants to add one more thing to the list, the itinerary or the event. Even with the best of intentions, the budget can go out the window, the credit card bill gets higher and you’re left feeling out of control and depressed come January.
Overspending during the holidays is extremely common. Everywhere we look there are advertisements, photos of our friends and family doing all the things, and pressure to do what everyone else is doing. We want to make our children happy and fully experience the holidays. But nothing about debt feels magical. Spend the time making a budget. Have a conversation with your partner. Keep one another accountable Prioritize what matters and leave the rest. If you need it, here is a list of activities that are practically free.
5. Give Yourself a Present in the Form of a Plan
With kids in tow, the holidays can get really complicated really fast, especially if you don’t have a plan. It is not only important to plan your events and activities throughout the month so that events aren’t back to back to back. If you have a partner: share the load.
Who is going to be in charge of packing the bags? Who is taking the kids for all their bathroom trips? Who is in charge of feeding the kids? Who gets to drink and who is going to drive? What is the plan if someone melts down? How much are we going to spend?
As moms it is easy to just take on all of these responsibilities or to not make a plan and end up doing it all and feeling exhausted and resentful. Make a plan so that you are mentally prepared for what each event is going to take out of you and what you can look forward to.
6. Reduce Holiday Stress and Expect Things Not to Go to Plan
We all know as parents that life with children rarely goes to plan.
We have so much less control than we would like. While it is important to be prepared for many different scenarios it is equally important to be flexible enough to alter the plan. Kids get sick, work comes up, weather changes, you forget diapers, you get caught in a conversation with old aunt Agnes. Sometimes we make mistakes and other times— it just happens.
Being mentally prepared for the fact that you might have to pivot can make all the difference. Letting go of rigid thinking and creating mental space for plans to change is preventative self-care.
7. Handle Holiday Stress by Holding Your Boundaries
We can be loving and compassionate while being clear about what behaviour we are willing to accept and what responsibilities we are willing to take on.
Creating and maintaining boundaries— especially with family members— is hard even on the best of days. During the holidays? Even harder. There is not only more to do, but more to think about and more emotions to manage. We are interacting more often and more intimately and sometimes for longer periods than any other time in the year. Old wounds and triggers come up. Those we love dearly, and sometimes even the humans who raised us are the ones who push our boundaries the most. See this post for help with managing toxic family during the holidays.
If you don’t set boundaries— even with your partner, friends, kids or others you love— you are much more likely to slide into stress and burnout. Do the hard thing. Set Boundaries. They are not mean. They are your responsibility for maintaining your sanity.
8. Bust the Holiday Blues and Move Your Body
When it comes to any aspect of maintaining our mental health, research shows that exercise plays a major role in helping us to feel balanced, to feel less stressed, and more energetic. At the end of the day, no matter what we do to try and limit the amount of stress we feel or the number of situations that will cause us stress – it will inevitably happen. Making time to exercise goes a very long way in staving off the effects of stress and releasing some of those feelings once they have arrived.
Even just a daily walk outdoors has a positive effects on our brains, our nervous system and our ability to cope with everyday life. Make a plan to walk with a friend, go alone and listen to a podcast, or press play on any number of at home workouts. Just 20 minutes a day can do wonders for your stress levels.
9. Maintain Your Mental Health this Season and Delegate
This is difficult because sometimes delegation is just more work. I know. We just know where everything is. We know how to do it “right”. We want it done a certain way. It takes less energy to do it ourselves than to ask for help. It’s not worth the fight. There are a million reasons why we don’t delegate. But we end up bearing the burden of being the doer of all the things and burning out.
Let go. Communicate with your partner. Be okay with the way someone else does things even if they aren’t perfect. Tell other people what you need and what will help you. Make your expectations known to your family. Give tasks away and notice how you have a few more moments of peace. Delegation can be a beautiful thing.
10. Have Hope for the Holidays and Have Fun
Seriously. Let loose.
So what if you forgot to stuff the turkey or you ran out of whip cream for the pie?
So what if the house is a disaster?
So what if the baby crapped all over the brand new Christmas outfit you got for him or your husband forgot to wear the matching sweater you got for the whole family?
In the long run, our families are going to remember how they felt when they were around us. Traditions are awesome, and it’s fun to make magical memories, but they aren’t magical when we feel like a basket case. Prioritize having a great time and your family is bound to remember that. You deserve it.
What Kids Need Most During The Holidays
A sane mom.
At the end of the day, the holidays don’t need a perfect version of you—they need a human you. A mom (or Dad or caregiver) who says no when you’re stretched too thin, who rests without guilt, who lets the plan fall apart and can navigate the emotions that come with the realities of the season.
We do so much to make the magic and we deserve to feel some of it too. So give yourself permission this year to show up as yourself: imperfect, intentional, and doing the best you can. That’s more than enough.
Libby
Need more?
- Follow me on IG and Tiktok for daily content to feel seen and be reminded to care for yourself
- Read this blog post Coping With Toxic Family During The Holidays
- Download this actually realistic* FREE Self-Care Guide for Moms that I created
- Subscribe to my newsletter where I send semi regular real life stories full of humour and hope, plus some fun lists of things I am loving
- Buy my book Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, available for pre-order now
