The holidays are overwhelming.
A few years ago, when I was deep in the trenches of motherhood with little ones I felt like no matter what I did it was never enough. The holidays were beautiful in some ways. In other ways, they highlighted everything I was already struggling with. The chaos and expectations of the holiday season simply put more pressure on me as a mom and created more guilt than I already felt.
After moving through that time and talking with countless other moms about the ways they struggled to keep up with the invisible and visible work of motherhood; about the ways their own fear, guilt, shame and feelings of not-enoughness showed up during the holidays, too— I decided to write this poem. I hope it helps you to feel seen.
For the Moms Struggling to Feel Joy, Magic or Even like they Are Enough During The Holidays
You log in to Facebook
and what do you see?
Gingerbread houses, homemade,
By a mom of 3.
Here comes the gram,
And it’s no real surprise,
After scrolling for just minutes
You’ve got tears in your eyes
Holiday parties
with velvet red dresses,
Meanwhile you’re cleaning up
your childrens’ messes.
Professionally captured
moments of joy,
Curated images of
Santa’s good boy
It’s not you, you can’t do it
There just so much else going on,
But seeing what everyone is doing
Makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong
You’ve been planning and
Buying and wrapping all month
But somehow your efforts
Feel like they’re just not enough.
Your mental health dwindles
with each day that goes by
But you keep it together
So they don’t see you cry.
You fret over the budget
Night after night
While it seems like the
rest of the world is living it’s life.
You want to do crafts,
You want to bake and to sing,
But lately you don’t have
energy left for anything.
Matching mantles, Christmas trees
And houses with lights,
It seems like you’re the only one
Who is not merry and bright.
But you paint on a smile
You do it all for the kids
You love seeing their joy,
But it feels like a fib.
You can’t do all the things
It’s not that you don’t try
But money and mental health
And support has run dry
You wake up every day and
You give all that you have
But when the night comes
You wonder if your momming is bad
But it’s not, and you’re wrong
The kids are just fine
They’ve got you and your love
They don’t need all that shine
You’re comparing your journey
To everyone’s highlight reel
Without taking notice of the
Things they also might feel.
The crafty mom might barely
Be keeping her head,
While the rich one is lost
in toxic family holiday dread.
The curated pictures make
That family look perfect
But there’s never a way to see
Just what’s under the surface.
You might have it hard,
You might just be getting by
But the kids know that they
Are the apple of your eye.
And that is what matters
How you made them feel
Not the presents you bought
Or a perfectly-executed meal.
For in 20 years they won’t
Remember the bows and strings
They’ll remember how you
were there over everything.
So no matter if you
Do a little or a lot,
They’ll know that you’ve
given them all that you’ve got.
So ease up, take a breath
You are doing just fine
Give yourself some grace during
This insane holiday time.
They’ve got food, and a bed
And toys under the tree
They’ve got you,
and you’re enough as can be.
Social Media Moms Aren’t Always Real About The Holidays
It’s easy to feel like you are the only mom hiding in her car, fighting tears or wishing it was just January already. You aren’t. We just don’t see it on the internet and not many moms are willing or able to admit how hard the holidays are for them.
They want us to believe that the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. But for many people, they aren’t.
Can the holidays be magical? Yes.
Can they also highlight all the struggles we already have as moms? With guilt? With shame? With loneliness or grief or lack of support? Absolutely.
Life and its stresses don’t disappear because it is December.
If you are struggling to feel the magic or make the magic this year, give yourself some grace. It feels like a lot because it literally is. You are doing the best you can.
Libby
Want more?
- Follow me on IG and Tiktok for daily content to feel seen and be reminded to care for yourself
- Read this blog post with my top 10 Ways for Moms to Reduce Stress Over The Holidays
- Download this actually realistic* FREE Self-Care Guide for Moms that I created
- Subscribe to my newsletter where I send semi regular real life stories full of humour and hope, plus some fun lists of things I am loving
- Buy my book Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, available for pre-order now
